They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
