My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
foreskin is a definite game changer
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
