I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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