okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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