He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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