Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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