Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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