Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
