he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
