In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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