And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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