i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
