By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My bed smells like the plague
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
