You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
