btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
