I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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