It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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