i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
