I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's blow job season.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize