So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
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I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
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He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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