Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
