community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
