sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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