we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
