Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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