Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
