ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
