Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
