They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
