Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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