I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.