ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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