i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
