It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.