I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Found the puke drawer
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
