Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
