this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
