Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize