she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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