Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
