Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
