Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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