I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I made him laugh his dick is mine
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize