I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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