I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
