so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
