this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize