It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
