i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
