we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
