He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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