so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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