I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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