And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
