no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
