I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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