I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
