I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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