Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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